The Straw That Broke the Camel's Back
by Cappsy
Summary: People don't always realize what effect their words and actions can have on another individual. Warning: Not for those who want happy endings. Rated M due to language and topic.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own the show, the characters, or any of the songs shown in this fic. They all belong to their respective owners.

This is an AU taking place when the original group is still in high school. Just another version of bullying going too far and causing more harm than anyone realizes.

If you want to listen to the songs that are used here is a link to my YouTube playlist that I created for this purpose. Obviously remove the spaces in order for the link to work.

www. Youtube watch?v=vLl1NDwMJps&amp;list=PLBD82C6BD9A93B083

For the final song The spoken part is removed sand the stuff inside of () are photos that are being shown.

One last note. Rachel may not be able to sing all of the songs exactly as they sound, but I like the originals so these are the versions that are in the playlist.

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Mr. Schue decided to give his kids a long assignment. Rather than preparing one song to perform, he wanted seven or eight. The idea was to pick a song that described how they were feeling each day and sing them in a mini concert at the end of a week. All but one person in the group had sung already. It was evident that no one really put effort into their choices. Sitting quietly away from the group was the one person who had yet to go. She was hoping Mr. Schue would forget about her. Unfortunately he did not.

"Alright Rachel you're the last one. Get on up on the stage." Rachel quietly got up and made her way to the stage. Everyone rolled their eyes preparing themselves for a bunch of Broadway songs. Rachel was all about Broadway. They were all stunned as the first line and notes of the song reached their ears.

Do you ever feel like breaking down?  
Do you ever feel out of place?  
Like somehow you just don't belong  
And no one understands you

Do you ever want to run away?  
Do you lock yourself in your room?  
With the radio on turned up so loud  
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like  
When nothing feels alright  
You don't know what it's like  
To be like me

To be hurt, to feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around

To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like  
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?  
Are you sick of feeling so left out?  
Are you desperate to find something more  
Before your life is over?

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?  
Are you sick of everyone around?  
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies  
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like  
When nothing feels alright  
You don't know what it's like  
To be like me

To be hurt, to feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around

To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like  
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face  
And no one ever stabbed you in the back  
You might think I'm happy  
But I'm not gonna be okay

Everybody always gave you what you wanted  
Never had to work it was always there  
You don't know what it's like  
What it's like

To be hurt, to feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around

To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one's there to save you  
Well, you don't know what it's like  
(What it's like)

To be hurt, to feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around

To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like  
Welcome to my life

Welcome to my life  
Welcome to my life

Rachel poured her heart and soul into the lyrics. The pain she was feeling could clearly be read on her face. She did not give the group time to process it as she moved straight into the next song.

Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say.  
I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.  
For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took,  
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?

I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
You wear me out

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?  
(I'm not okay)  
I've told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means  
(I'm not okay)  
To be a joke and look, another line without a hook  
I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!

I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
You wear me out

Forget about the dirty looks  
The photographs your boyfriend took  
You said you read me like a book, but the pages all are torn and frayed

I'm okay  
I'm okay!  
I'm okay, now  
(I'm okay, now)

But you really need to listen to me  
Because I'm telling you the truth  
I mean this, I'm okay!  
(Trust Me)

I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
Well, I'm not okay  
I'm not o-fucking-kay  
I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
(Okay)

Once again the group was stunned. Especially as Rachel stared them all down as she sang the parts about photo graphs. They knew at least a few of them were guilty of invading Rachel's privacy taking pictures while she was in the locker room and circulated them.

I tried to kill the pain  
but only brought more  
so much more  
I lay dying  
and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal  
I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming  
am I too lost to be saved  
am I too lost?

my God my tourniquet  
return to me salvation  
my God my tourniquet  
return to me salvation

do you remember me  
lost for so long  
will you be on the other side  
or will you forget me  
I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming  
am I too lost to be saved  
am I too lost?

my God my tourniquet  
return to me salvation  
my God my tourniquet  
return to me salvation

I want to die!

my God my tourniquet  
return to me salvation  
my God my tourniquet  
return to me salvation

my wounds cry for the grave  
my soul cries for deliverance  
will I be denied Christ  
tourniquet  
my suicide

Rachel let her sleeves slide up just a little during the song to make her teammates wonder. Was Rachel cutting? Did she truly have no desire to live anymore? Was she truly ready to end it all? They didn't dwell on this long as the next song made their eyes open wide. The anger that radiated off of Rachel was astounding.

I don't need your forgiveness  
I don't need your hate  
I don't need your acceptance  
So what should I do  
I don't need your resistance  
I don't need your prayers  
I don't need your religion  
I don't need a thing from you

I don't do what I've been told  
Your so lame why don't you

Just go  
Die mother fucker die mother fucker die

I don't need your prison  
I don't need your pain  
I don't need your decision  
So what should I do  
I don't need your approval  
I don't need your hope  
I don't need your lectures  
I don't need a thing from you

I'll be sorry when I'm old  
You're so full of shit man

Just go  
Die mother fucker die mother fucker die

Boom

I don't need your forgiveness  
I don't need your hate  
I don't need your acceptance  
So what should I do

I'll be sorry so you've said  
I'm not sorry  
Bang You're Dead

Die mother fucker die mother fucker die

Die

No one realized just how much resentment Rachel held towards them. They did not realize that she was apparently wishing they were dead as well. The next song just continued on that theme.

I'm so fed up with everyone around me  
No one seems to care  
I'm just so far gone and nothing's gonna change  
I'll never be the same  
It's always do this, do that, everything they want to  
I don't wanna live that way  
Every chance they get they're always pushing me away

It's never enough, no it's never enough  
No matter what I say  
It's never enough, no it's never enough  
I'll never be what you want me to be

It's all so messed up and no one ever listens  
Everyone's deranged  
I'm just so fucked up and I'm never gonna change  
I wanna lay it all to waste  
They're always say this, say that, nothing that you want to  
I don't wanna live that way  
Every chance they get they're always shoving me aside

It's never enough, no it's never enough  
No matter what I say  
It's never enough, no it's never enough  
I'll never be what you want me to be  
I'M DONE!

In the end we're all just chalk lines on the concrete  
Drawn only to be washed away  
For the time that I've been given  
I am what I am

I'd rather hate you for everything you are  
Than ever love you for something you are not  
I'd rather you hate me for everything I am  
Than have you love me for something that I can't

It's never enough, it's never enough  
No matter what I say  
It's never enough, no it's never enough  
No matter who I try to be  
It's never enough, no it's never enough  
No matter how I try to taste  
It's never enough, never never enough  
I'll never be what you want me to be

Rachel was telling them a message and they were focused on it. They never realized just how much Rachel felt like she was a fly on the wall. They now realize that she no longer cares. It no longer matters to her that they never listen to her.

Cut my life into pieces  
This is my last resort  
Suffocation, no, no breathing  
Don't give a fuck  
If I cut my arm bleeding  
This is my last resort

Cut my life into pieces  
I've reached my last resort  
Suffocation, no breathing  
Don't give a fuck  
If I cut my arm bleeding  
Do you even care if I die bleeding?

Would it be wrong or  
Would it be right  
If I took my life tonight  
Chances are that I might  
Mutilation out of sight  
And I'm contemplating suicide

'Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind  
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine  
Losing my sight, losing my mind  
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine

I never realized, I was spread too thin  
Till it was too late and I was empty within  
Hungry feeding on chaos and living in sin  
Downward spiral, where do I begin

It all started when I lost my mother  
No love for myself and no love for another  
Searching to find a love upon a higher level  
Finding nothing but questions and devils

'Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind  
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine  
Losing my sight, losing my mind  
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine

Nothing's alright, nothing is fine  
I'm running and I'm crying  
I'm crying, I'm crying, I'm crying I'm crying  
I can't go on living this way

Cut my life into pieces  
This is my last resort  
Suffocation, no breathing  
Don't give a fuck  
If I cut my arm bleeding

Would it be wrong  
Would it be right?  
If I took my life tonight  
Chances are that I might  
Mutilation out of sight  
And I'm contemplating suicide

'Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind  
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine  
Losing my sight, losing my mind  
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine

Nothing's alright, nothing is fine  
I'm running and I'm crying  
I can't go on living this way  
Can't go on, living this way  
Nothing's all right

Rachel had returned to the theme of suicide. Clearly her next song was continuing the same route.

Cry alone, I've gone away  
No more nights, no more pain  
I've gone alone, took all my strength  
I've made the change,  
I won't see you tonight

Sorrow, sank deep inside my blood  
All the ones around me  
I cared for and loved

It's building up inside of me  
A place so dark, so cold, I had to set me free  
Don't mourn for me,  
You're not the one to place the blame  
As bottles call my name I won't see you tonight

Sorrow sank deep inside my blood  
All the ones around me  
I cared for and most of all I loved  
But I can't see myself that way  
Please don't forget me or cry while I'm away

Cry alone, I've gone away  
No more nights, no more pain  
I've gone alone, took all my strength  
But I've made the change,  
I won't see you tonight

So far away, I'm gone.  
Please don't follow me tonight  
And while I'm gone everything will be alright

No more breath inside  
Essence left my heart tonight  
No more breath inside  
Essence left my heart tonight

Rachel started to walk around as the band played the closing of the song. Soon Rachel had a stool set up on stage and the projector screen pulled down. She sat on the stool and pulled an acoustic guitar into her hand. As her final song started the projector screen came to life.

Time has run out, for me. (A timer that was counting down appearing to have less than an hour left)  
Everything's distant and I don't know what to believe.  
It's so hard, lost in the world confusion.  
And I need to leave, for a while.  
Life is so meaningless, there is nothing worth a smile. (Rachel's room bare, no posters no pictures)  
So goodbye, I'll miss you.

And I'm sorry, but this is my fate.  
Everything is worthless, no one who wants me to stay. (myspace comments telling Rachel to kill herself)  
And I'm sorry, but I've waited too long. (Rachel covered in a slushy freshman year)  
So here's my goodbye, no one will cry over me. (Everyone in the hallway laughing at Rachel)  
I'm not worth any tears. (Rachel standing in her bathroom with a knife at her wrist with determination)

It's been the years, of abuse. (The Jocks throwing multiple slushies at Rachel; facebook messages)  
Neglected to treat the disorder,  
That's controlled my youth, for so long. (Rachel displaying all of her scars)  
I'm in a fleshy tomb, buried up above the ground.  
It's no use, why should I hold on? (Rachel's medicine cabinet showing all of her pills lined up)  
It's been five years, don't need one more.  
So goodbye, life's abuse. (An envelope with the word goodbye on the front)

And I'm sorry, but this is my fate.  
Everything is worthless, no one who wants me to stay. (more myspace comments telling Rachel to die)  
And I'm sorry, but I've waited too long. (Rachel being shoved into a locker)  
So here's my goodbye, no one will cry over me. (Rachel standing on the largest bridge in town)  
I'm not worth any tears.

And I'm sorry, but this my fate. (A tomb stone)  
Everything is worthless, no one who wants me to stay. (A pile of notes inside Rachel's locker)  
And I'm sorry, but I've waited too long.  
So here's my goodbye, no one will cry over me. (Rachel's dads on their anniversary vacation)  
So here's my goodbye, no one will cry over me. (A glee club party that Rachel wasn't invited to)  
I'm not worth any tears.

The screen fated to black and Rachel did not wait for Schue to comment or dismiss everyone. She simply walked out the stage door.

Stunned the club just sat there. They couldn't believe that they had never noticed Rachel's pain. They never realized just how distant she had become. How had they not noticed that this was the first time she had sung in weeks? It was a good ten minutes before one member broke out of the stupor in horror realizing what them sitting their meant. They just lost more precious time.

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Rachel drove home quickly. She grabbed her pill bottles and knives before leaving again. She drove to the bridge and quickly climbed the rail. She sat on it and began taking the pills. As soon as she finished off the pills she grabbed the knife and made ling deep vertical cuts in each arm. She dropped the knife. She looked to the sky and sang the last verse of _Goodbye I'm Sorry _one last time.

And I'm sorry, but this my fate.  
Everything is worthless, no one who wants me to stay.  
And I'm sorry, but I've waited too long.  
So here's my goodbye, no one will cry over me.  
So here's my goodbye, no one will cry over me.  
I'm not worth any tears.

Rachel then leaned forward and let gravity do the rest.

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Quinn raced to the bridge hoping she was right about Rachel's plans and not too late to save the other girl. Sure she had bullied the other girl but it was only because of the self-loathing she held inside. She never intended to make someone actually want to kill themselves. She would not be able to live with herself if Rachel actually died. As she was driving Quinn called 911 and explained the situation. She also explained that she had no clue if Rachel went to the bridge or her house. The operator sent police and paramedics to both locations to be on the safe side.

Quinn was both happy and terrified to see that she was right. She jumped out of her car and dove towards Rachel as she saw her lean forward to begin her descent off the bridge. Quinn managed to barely grab one of Rachel's arms. Luckily an officer that had just arrived on the scene helped Quinn pull Rachel back over the ledge. The paramedics upon seeing Rachel's arms and the empty pill bottles immediately got to work attempting to save Rachel's life. Quinn is brought along to be treated for shock.

The last time Quinn sees Rachel is when she was coding on an Emergency room table. Quinn became catatonic as it proved unclear where Rachel's next room was going to be; in the ICU or the morgue.

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	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters. They are owned by the producers and writers of Glee.

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Flashback to Rachel choosing her songs each day:

**Monday:**

Rachel was not having a good day. She was slushied once again. She heard her so called friends talking about her when they thought she wasn't around. To add insult to injury she got shoved down a stair case "on accident". When the day had ended Rachel ran home and locked the doors and turned on her radio. She screamed into her pillow before breaking down and sobbing. Her dads weren't home, but it was entirely possible the neighbor would stop in to check on her and she didn't want her to hear her. She didn't want to be the reason her father's had to cut their anniversary vacation short.

Rachel had been slowly breaking for months now, but lately the process has sped up. Rachel didn't know how much more she could take.

**Tuesday:**

Rachel arrived at school to find photos in her locker. They were of her getting changed in the locker room. The harassment was taking on a whole new level. She wished that just one person would notice that she was tired. That just one person noticed that she couldn't do it anymore, she wasn't okay. Sadly though no one cared about her that much. Not even the teacher who claimed to be her biggest and sometimes only fan.

**Wednesday:**

Rachel cut again. She didn't care anymore she was done. This was the day that she decided that she was done with this earth permanently. The only reason why she wouldn't die today was because she wanted to research and make sure she figured out the best way. Make sure that it was a success. The 16 simultaneous slushies when she arrived and another 11 at lunch was enough. The messages on her MySpace and the notes in her locker telling her the whole school wished she would just die won. Rachel was tired and could no longer handle the weight in her heart.

**Thursday:**

Rachel was angry. She was tired of the hate she received. She was tired of people telling her how she should act, what she should believe. She was done being the one to be ok with it. She was not putting up with anyone. She even shoved a slushy into a jock's face as he was about to throw it. She was going to spend her last few days not caring about who she pissed off.

**Friday:**

Rachel finally realized no matter what she did it wasn't enough. She wouldn't ever gain the friendship of her classmates. She no longer talked in class. She did not sing, answer questions or do anything that would piss her classmates off, but they would get mad at her anyway. She didn't care because she was done. She had finalized her plan and now it was just a matter of when.

**Saturday:**

Rachel deleted her MySpace. After all of the comments she received she couldn't take it anymore. She stared at the hunting knife in her hand longingly. Finally she ran it across her arm sighing in relief as she saw and felt the blood run out. She was contemplating that night being the last one. The only reason she decided against it was she did want something good to come out of her death. She was hoping if she let her classmates know the pain their actions caused they might change their ways. Rachel wasn't naïve. She knew that chances were slim, but she figured if even one person could change then it was a victory.

**Sunday:**

Rachel knew that she could not win. There was no way she would make it another week. She could barely make it another day. She was only sad for her dads. They would return to find her gone. They would be hurt, but they would move on. She made sure to leave them a letter to let them know it wasn't their fault. She would miss them, but she just did not have the strength to fight anymore. She was already gone anyway. Everything that made up Rachel Berry was gone. All that was left was to remove herself physically.

**Monday:**

This was the day. Rachel would give her concert and take her final bow. Rachel looked around and let herself remember everything that had caused her to reach this point. The notes telling her to kill herself, the slushies, a distinct lack of friends, everyone laughing at her, being shoved into lockers and downstairs, the photos of her changing, teachers doing nothing, all of this led Rachel to where she was. Rachel went to the choir room and ran her hand over the piano. She mentally prepared herself. She took a deep breath and then entered the auditorium to face those who treated her the worst one last time.


End file.
